What we have here is the Emma Bust Exerciser, made in Germany, Hamburg to be precise. I picked up this gem at the Sally Ann on 12th, the one with the great big basement full of junk. The writing on the unit is German: “Brust Trainingsgerat,” it says, and it’s so great that English and German have a few things in common, because you don’t need to know any German at all to understand what this little machine is for.The Emma Bust Exerciser consists of two rubber half-cup thingies, one for each breast, that have electrical wires running to the central unit, which has “Intensitat” dials, one for each cup. The idea is to fit the cups under your boobs, then turn the Intensitat dials up and, you know, it…um…well, I guess it trainingsgerats your brusts, as advertised.
I have heard of using electricity to perk-ify one’s breasts. I met this Chinese Medicine practitioner in Baja California who was doing precisely that. He told me he would do the first breast for free, as a demonstration kind of thing, and that every single time the women were so thrilled with the results they gladly forked out to have the second breast done.
The treatment was expensive. But I picked up this baby for a mere $5. Have I used it? No way. I’m scared of electricity, especially when it comes to applying it to my body. I’m scared of gas, too, but that’s another story. What I really love about the Emma Bust Exerciser is that I have a dear friend in Taiwan named Emma, and she is super flat-chested and likes to talk about boobs a lot. I’m going to send it to her in the mail.